Gifted and Getting Away....Relaxation for Gifted and Twice Exceptional Kids and Parents

Gifted programs, teacher calls, drying tears and coaching how to just through the day can be too much sometimes.

With standardized tests approaching, teacher stress high, and in turn, more pressure on students, gifted, twice exceptional, etc., it is important to remember to take a breath.

Immersed in advocacy for your child can be an incredibly tough task. Along with the many hours of dedication that parents must spend in ensuring the emotional safety of their gifted and twice exceptional children, the mental toll can be absolutely exhausting.

The Davidson Gifted Development Center states: "[self-care]may be one of the most important topics to emphasize because it is often the first thing to fall by the wayside when life becomes overtaken by activities that are granted higher priority. But that’s precisely when you need it the most. The bottom line is that in order for you to have the energy to support the needs of your family, your own needs must be satisfied. So if you have a tendency to put everyone else’s needs first, you might consider ways to introduce fun and relaxation into your life. Everyone who is important to you, including your children, will benefit from watching you take good care of yourself."(Muratori 2009)


For the kids themselves, the tension can be beyond outside of their realm of coping. Their allowance for creative time in class, and time in the areas in which they derive even the slightest cognitive nourishment from, and which thy use to gather their strength to keep striving, are often severely reduced or completely pushed to the side during these upcoming weeks.

Paula Olszewski-Kubilius, at Northwestern's CTD program states in her blog on the subject that, "The  pressure that some students may feel to reach always reach a high standard of performance can be psychologically and emotionally wearing and potentially debilitating." (Olszewski-Kubilius, 2012)

So, during these times it is important to help your gifted or twice exceptional child to not sweat the small stuff.

At this point you may be yelling at the screen. "If you truly knew gifted or twice exceptional kids, you'd realize there is no such thing as the small stuff in their mind!"

Yes, I get it. But that's where you come in. You can provide a much-needed, external analysis of the situations present in your child's life and coach them through where they should choose to devote and expend their energies. They want to fight all the battles. Help them choose which ones are worth the effort.

Help them understand that the shift in their environments in the coming weeks has little to do with them, and much more to do with external stressors on their teachers and fellow students. Assist them in getting through the rough spots and help them see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Therein comes the point of the article and the relevance to the title.

Getting away. You may have noticed the carefree abandon your child exhibits on vacations, especially those that include activities in their interest areas, or those locations which include exposure to nature. If you have the time and financial means to get away, even for an overnight, to such places, in order to pull your child's mind away from the "daily grind" of expectations they feel, they can sometimes get re-energized in a way that one wouldn't expect from such a short break.

Personally, I find that going to Lake Geneva in Wisconsin, once every couple of weeks for an overnight, does just as much good for me as any one week vacation. My ability to look out of the window and see water, trees, and animals, gives me a peace, perspective and calmness that nothing else can do.

Yes, I still obsesses a bit, work through some nights, and beat myself up for not doing enough, but I'm more likely to let things go, accept situations, and move forward. Getting away not only helps me release what I can't control, but also helps me feel peace, and by doing so, I am better prepared for the more difficult and disquieting facets of the week to come.

Whether you get away physically, or find an activity that takes both you and your gifted or twice exceptional child away mentally, you will both probably find that it builds up the reserve that you have to do the hard work on deck for the days when you return.

It is a difficult time for both parents of gifted and twice exceptional kids, and for the kids themselves. Make sure you give yourselves a break to ensure you "give of your light and not of your oil".

The light and oil thing...It is a statement that I am still a bit unclear of the meaning of. It is almost a directive and warning that Joan Smunty gives me in our conversations regarding fighting the world and it's unfairness and inequality.

I did a search for the words and came up with a newspaper article which shows the original poem by a Floyd Chatham Genter. Although it gets a bit religious at times, it's overall message seems to ring true. I am have typed it below, as no website seems to have the original text. I hope something in it rings true for you.

Take care, be good to yourself.


"Give of your light and not of your oil",
A real friend said to me,
As we talked and walked, over beaten soil,
And paused near great oak tree,
Her father and mother of notable birth,
Parents of daughters and sons of worth,
Whose distinguished service to god and man,
Was scarcely excelled by any clan-

"Give of your light, give of your light,"
This lady repeated to me,
In vital places of life, sterling right
She had chosen constantly.
Her mind, heart, given, and willing hand
To work in God's vineyard, Noble, grand
The motive, the labor, the sacrifice too,
Consummate the service, she'd rendered, true.
Cherish your oil, as you give of your light,
This friend admonished me,
Then humbly mentioned her life code, bright,
"I am partner with God," said she.
I beheld her countenance, fine, aflame,
"Partner with God," in Christ's dear name,
"Never a cross too heavy to bear,"
Not "blaming God" whatever her share.

Why give your light, but not all your oil?
Is the question that others may ask.
Why guard your oil, in the daily toil
To help solve a world's great task?
The lifting of burdens here and there,
Of life's wails and woes, its grief and care,
Successes, reverses, joy, fear, or fright-
The answer is simple, no oil, no light.

"Give of your light, but husband your oil,"
Is a motto that all may heed.
It's fraught with sense, it's wisdom roy'l
If lives so lived with speed
Would carefully, culturally, be preserved
And life's vital energies be conserves,
Spirit, the light-pil, too, God's grace,
The strength, choice, given for each life's race,

"Give of your light, but not of your oil,"
It is timely, Godly, advice.
My good friend saw beyond life's coil
Heaven's glories, and joys beyond price,
That thought of "Partner with God," and man,
Sustaining life thus, this earthly span
Of alloted years of service and pain-
Then the Crown of Life and Eternal gain.

Give of your light, let it's burning glow
Be a saving beacon. Let kindness flow
To kindred, to friends, to strangers, ever;
Neglect not a chance to help, surely, never
Fail with your light to brighten their way
When people need you. Let its lustrous ray
Be a flaming torch in their darkest night,
Give of your light! Oh, give of your light!

Let your light shine, Christ truly spoke,
As he walked through Gallilee,
Healing diseases, and as bread he broke,
His strength-thy shield to be,
"Our lives we lose," said my friend again,
Christ's call to serve, was the same, said then.
"To find life," she whispered with bowed head
"In Heaven, alone," though some say, "They're dead."

-Floyd Chatham Genter

Matt Kelley
Chicago Gifted and Twice Exceptional Services